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10-16-2013, 06:51 PM
(This post was last modified: 09-01-2022, 01:02 AM by Fearless Community.
Edit Reason: Checked Encoding
)
War.
War is most feared by any country.
War is despised more than anything.
War tears relationships and breaks families apart.
War brings death and tears.
War brings communities closer together.
Men fight, women cry.
Children suffer, while others are torn away from their parents.
War is dreadful.
War.
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Nice poem mate! I like the structure of the poem, both starting and ending it with the word 'war' for effect. There is however one line that doesn't make much sense, 'Children suffer, while others are torn away from their parents'. To make this a better sentence, I advise removing the words 'while others are' and replacing them with 'they are'. This gives the impression that THEY are being torn away from their parents, not any random children as is suggested by the version you have written.
Anyhow, keep up the good work!
War is most feared by any country.
War is despised more than anything.
War tears relationships and breaks families apart.
War brings death and tears.
War brings communities closer together.
Men fight, women cry.
Children suffer, while others are torn away from their parents.
War is dreadful.
War.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Nice poem mate! I like the structure of the poem, both starting and ending it with the word 'war' for effect. There is however one line that doesn't make much sense, 'Children suffer, while others are torn away from their parents'. To make this a better sentence, I advise removing the words 'while others are' and replacing them with 'they are'. This gives the impression that THEY are being torn away from their parents, not any random children as is suggested by the version you have written.
Anyhow, keep up the good work!
Kind Regards,
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