FUMUKU International

[Eisenhorn]

To expand on BlackDogs' comment, put effort into your application, we want to see how much you want to be in this clan, and that you took time and effort to make yourself an attractive applicant. We have a required template, so please use that and put some serious effort and thought into your application. Feel free to read back on past applications to help yourself appreciate the kind of application we are looking for.

Your's faithfully Z.Massani I.D 3514

[Eisenhorn]

Please find enclosed a copy of the new FUMUKU International contract. After conversation with The managing director of FUMUKU International, the following sections have been added; S:7, S:8, S:9, S:10. Please take this opportunity to re-read S:3 as the liability clauses have been expanded upon.

Spoiler: FUMUKU Contract draft 2

FUMUKU Contract of employment.

You the person seeking to be employed by FUMUKU International, do so agree to all terms contained here-within, FUMUKU International unreservedly reserves the right to enforce all conditions contained within by any and all legal means possible, and may do so at any time without prior notice. FUMUKU International reserves the right to terminate your employment for breach of the contract terms contained within without notice or compensation of any loss caused by FUMUKU Internationals actions.

S:1 Conditions of employment for FUMUKU International.
1) You must be of appropriate age to be employed, if found to have falsified any evidence, form or document, your employment will be terminated immediately.
2) You must have a clean criminal record, if found to have falsified any evidence, form or document, your employment will be terminated immediately.
3) You may not work for any agency or company as well as FUMUKU International if found to have falsified any evidence, form or document, your employment will be terminated immediately.
4) You must follow all instructions from senior officials at FUMUKU who will be named in the contract, unless the instructions are illegal or expressly damaging to FUMUKU International. If you attempt to use this term as a means to commit illegal or damaging acts, your employment will be terminated, and you will be held solely liable, FUMUKU International reserves the right to seize your assets to compensate any loss, and to detain and transfer you to the correct law authority.
5) Entering a restricted area, by restricted area FUMUKU International refers to the security clearance system, will result in immediate termination of employment.
6) Assaulting another member of FUMUKU International will result in immediate termination of employment, as will actions of larceny or any other illegal act against FUMUKU International.
7) You may not engage in any other type of business be it personnel or commercial on FUMUKU property.
8) FUMUKU International reserves the right to alter and or/change this notice without prior notice, your attention will be drawn to the amended document.
9) FUMUKU International reserves the right to terminate employment and seize your assets if you are found to be engaged in any illegal activity including but not limited to, assisting criminals, car theft, murder, distribution of narcotics, and the sale of stolen goods, this list is not exhaustive.
10) FUMUKU reserves the right to terminate your employment if you are found to be stealing office supplies and we will exhaust no measure to recompense our loss.
11) Harassment of FUMUKU staff will result in immediate employment termination.
12) Hiring of persons to act against the interests of FUMUKU International, will result in immediate employment termination.
13) Any FUMUKU International employees found using the words ''Yolo and/or Swag'' will be detained for re-education and be demoted from their current rank.
14) FUMUKU International employees are not to ask for a promotion, nor to pester the managing director.
15) FUMUKU International employees will take direction from either the managing director, or the highest ranking employee who is available to direct them, the management may appoint on the site commanders at their discretion.

S:2 Conditions of contracting FUMUKU International.
1) FUMUKU International will not be held liable for any loss of life or damage to property resultant from our services.
2) You agree by employing FUMUKU International that; you are not engaged in illegal activities, attempting to slander or defame FUMUKU International, or that you are a fugitive or connected to a criminal fraternity, this list is not exhaustive.
3) FUMUKU International will not assault law officers who are acting lawfully in the pursuit of a warrant, we will do everything to assist them, if you are found to be in the possession of illegal goods or wanted for a crime, FUMUKU International reserves the right to detain you by any methods necessary and to assist the relevant legal agencies in their duties. Furthermore we reserve the right to compensate FUMUKU International for any loss we sustain whilst under your employment.
4) Failure to follow directives issued by FUMUKU Internationals agents will result in contract termination, if you hire our services we expect you to follow our directions on the matter, failure to do so will be recognised as you no longer requiring our services. In this event the contract will be deemed to be fulfilled and no compensation will be issued.
5) Failure to renew FUMUKU International contracts will result in immediate contract termination with no prior notice.

S:3 Exclusion of liability for FUMUKU Internationals' services when contracted.
1)FUMUKU International will not held liable howsoever for any loss resultant of your criminal intentions or failure to follow instruction, neither will we be liable for loss of life, dismemberment, incineration, exposure to toxic substances, death, maiming, radiation poisoning, poisoning, exposure to temporal anomalies, exposure to SCP's, time displacement, paradoxes, theft of organs, torture, illegal detention by foreign governments, credit card fraud, theft of DNA, cloning, exposure to Justin Bieber, prophecies of the Apocalypse, brainwashing, accidental exposure to black holes, deliberate exposure to black holes, exposure to anomalies in the fabric of space, exposure to extra-terrestrials, exposure to demi or full gods, exposure to any malevolent being/life force, assault from eldritch abomination, or any action so resultant from our contractual services, this list is not exhaustive.

S:4 Exclusion of liability for FUMUKU Internationals' employees.
1)FUMUKU International will not be found liable for any loss of limb, death or injury caused through the course of your employment, you accept any and all risks 'volenti non fit injuria' due to the nature of our work. If you are so injured FUMUKU International will act in good faith to maintain your health and ensure rehabilitation and any medical treatments required are provided.
This list is not exhaustive.

S:5 Actions FUMUKU International may undertake pursuant to a breech of contract.
1) FUMUKU International reserves the right to seize any and all assets pursuant to a breech of contract, to compensate FUMUKU International for any and all losses.
2) If you are found to be defaming, stealing from or threatening FUMUKU International, we reserve the right to; seize any and all assets to prevent such defamation or threat and to recompense any loss FUMUKU International so experiences.
3) If you attack FUMUKU International, in any manner, we reserve the right to take all meaningful action in that eventuality without prior notice to defend our International, and our reputation.
4) If your employment has been terminated with FUMUKU International, you must return all articles or equipment provided to you that are still in your possession, failure to do so will mean, FUMUKU International may act to recover sensitive equipment and or data, equipment and recompense any loss we experience howsoever caused by your employment termination, this is not limited to detention of your person, searching your property, and seizure of assets.


S:6 Price of services of FUMUKU International.
This section will be added by the managing director of FUMUKU International.

S:7 Actions FUMUKU International will take to protect a client
1) We will protect against any and unlawful attempts to gain entry to your property and or detain you.
2) We will protect against any and all assaults against your person, ,unless expressly specified, through detention of suspects and/or lethal force.
3) We will protect your property from any person ,unless expressly specified, who attempts to steal it or gain unlawful access.
4) We may erect security measures to protect your person, and enforce a security cordon. This section is in no way exhaustive and is intended as an example.

S:8 Actions taken against trespassers by FUMUKU International.
1) We will issue one warning, this warning need not include specificities as to whether you will be detained, to leave the property at once.
2) If FUMUKU International finds any person breeching sensitive areas they will be detained.
3) FUMUKU International will issue fines and the appropriate legal proceedings, to recover against any loss howsoever resultant from your trespass, this fine will be limited to a maximum amount of $2000.
4) FUMUKU International will detain you and seize any assets if you refuse to pay the fine to indemnify ourselves against our loss.
5) FUMUKU International reserves the right to protect classified information with the appropriate actions necessary.
S:9 Actions taken by FUMUKU International against criminal damage.
1) If FUMUKU International is howsoever damaged by illegal or criminal acts, FUMUKU International reserves the right to detain the individual or group of persons who is responsible for the damage.
2) FUMUKU International will detain the individual until such time as they pay a fine, limited to a maximum of $2000 to compensate for the loss resultant from the damage, dependant on the level of damage we will also contact the appropriate legal authority to arrange your detention.

S:10 Actions taken by FUMUKU International against theft of property and motor vehicles.
1) FUMUKU International reserves the right to detain any person found to have illegally gained access to FUMUKU International property.
2) FUMUKU International will issue fines for stolen vehicles, due to the loss of income, reputation, and inconvenience this may cause. This will be limited to $2000.
3) FUMUKU International may in certain cases seize the vehicles of the persons responsible as compensation for any loss resultant from theft.
By Employing or being employed by FUMUKU International you agree to all the terms above unreservedly.

Yours faithfully Z. Massani director of FUMUKU legal services. I.D 3514.

Yours faithfully Z. Massani I.D 3514

---

I address this message to our current Manager.

Thank you for taking the time to read this letter.
I Z.Massani request permission to join and/or create the official FUMUKU International Legal Services Division. With your permission I feel I would be ably skilled to hold a dual role in the security division and act as FUMUKU Internationals legal advisor.
I feel we could pursue it as a business opportunity to broaden FUMUKU Internationals scope and provide a service sorely lacking in Evo city, that of a legal representative.

Thank you for your time,
yours faithfully Z.Massani I.D 3514

[UTLonghorn12]

Steam Name: UTLonghorn12
Steam ID: STEAM_0:1:41812233
Your Age: 16
Hours on server: Just about 50
RP Events you have been in: GhostRP (About halfway through)
RP Point Amount: 0
Ban History on Fearless RP: None at all
Character Bio: Served in the Nexus Security forces for two years now. Started at the rank of patrolman, and has moved up to sergeant, then to commander of the Police Force
_____________________________________

Full Name: Sprinkles Montgomery
Age: 22
Date of Application: 12/13/12
_____________________________________

Date of birth: 7/23/89
Gender: Male
Place of Birth: Evocity Medical Clinic
Telephone Number: 872-848-9075
Driver's License Number: 16A4B8
_____________________________________

Current Residence (Complete in Full)
Address: C2 Apartments, 85789 Evocity Rd.
Zip code: 74837
Suburb / City: Evocity

Previous Residence:
Address: 8475 Plaza Circle, Luxury Apartments, Top Floor
Zip code: 74837
Suburb / City: Downtown

_____________________________________

Why are you applying? I have seen members around the server quite a bit, and I took an interest in it. I found it here, read about it, and wanted to join!

What is your background in the field you are applying for? I have taken a job many times as a Police officer and Commander, and I am normally great with guarding the President or other key government officials, and I have often set up security for the top and jail floor when necessary.

Why should we pick you for FUMUKU? I feel as if I have a lot to offer to the FUMUKU Security Division. I am on quite a bit, and am hoping to get my server hours up quite a bit more than just about 50. I can offer my guarding expertise as I have had much practice and training in the Officer/Commander fields. I have also set up Nexus Garage Security (Which actually got players to move their patrol cars into the Garage for once... A lot more RP-like) and safely moved the President into the underground labs during times of danger.

What will you offer FUMUKU?
(See Above)

[Avenged]

Out of Character Information

Steam Name: [FL:RP]AvengedFilmsHD

Steam ID: STEAM_0:0:59533044

Your Age: 15

Hours on server: 61

RP Events you have been in: 1 (EvoCity Army training)

RP Point Amount: 0

Ban History on Fearless RP: 1




_____________________________________

In Character Information:

Division you are applying for: FUMUKU International Security Division

_____________________________________

Full Name: Alex Tyler

All Nicknames: None

Age: 32

Date of Application: 27/05/13

_____________________________________

Date of birth: 01 / 09 / 1977

Gender: M

Place of Birth: Florence, Italy

Telephone Number: 1 (434) 678-0925

Mobile: 1 (434) 826-4525

Driver's License Number: D1875

_____________________________________

Current Residence (Complete in Full)

Address: 475 Rider St.

Zip code: 63450

Suburb

Previous Residence (Complete in Full)

Address: 150 Rodney Rd.

Zip code: 43056

City

_____________________________________

Why are you applying?
To be a part of a good/professional clan to improve my own RP experience, and the experience of others.

What is your background in the field you are applying for?
Lots of time as police officer, security guard, and training in the EvoCity army.

Why should we pick you for FUMUKU?
Because I am very kind and smart, and will follow orders without hesitation.

What will you offer FUMUKU?
Good RPing, driving skills, shooting skills (somewhat good), being a smart person, which can come in handy, and will see to anything that is needed.

Character Bio:
An Italian immigrant trying to make it in life. Very smart, and focused. Will do what it takes to survive. Traits are smart, kind, and hardworking

[Eisenhorn]

FUMUKU International would like to take this opportunity to thank all recent applicants.
FUMUKU International would also like to inform you that as a global conglomerate we have been exceptionally busy in establishing first class training facilities since our re-arrival in evo city, and have been working towards many new constructs, we thank you for your time an application, and remind you patience is a great virtue.

I would take this time to remind you that the template for applications is the minimum standard, merely completing the template will not lead to approval of your position, I would also remind you that we will research fully all applicants. There is a standard expected of applications, the bare minimum in this case will not be deemed sufficient. We at FUMUKU International feel the quality of your application reflects strongly on the quality of the individual applying and this will be taken into consideration, as it has been stated before. Do not be alarmed we do not expect literary geniuses, we expect an application that shows commitment and a strong desire to be a part of our organisation, all persons who have submitted a sub standard application have a period of 24 hours grace to resubmit an updated application, otherwise we will judge your application and suitability for employment with FUMUKU International based on your sub-standard application.

Yours Faithfully, Z.Massani, director of FUMUKU legal services, I.D 3514

[BlackDog]

Application review in progress: Estimated time to completion: Within 24hrs

[Eisenhorn]

Pursuant to discussion with the managing director of FUMUKU International I hereby circulate this document, against my wishes, please read it in it's entirety (p.s there's really no need) This letter, sadly, comes straight from Carthusia Malkrin himself.

Spoiler :

Please find enclosed a list of things Z.Massani is not permitted to do whilst working for FUMUKU International.

Revised List

1. While it is true that "No one expects the FUMUKU Inquisition!", that is only because there is no such thing.
2. Z. Massani is not king of anywhere. Or queen. Not even while in drag.
3. Should not replace the buckshot in Mr Malkrins shotgun shells with any of the following: birdseed, confetti, cake sprinkles, sawdust, or sexual lubricant.
4. Should not replace staffs' lamp with a "novelty" lamp shaped like a marital aid.
(1. Should not replace staffs marital aids with a 'novelty' aid shaped like a lamp.
5. Z. Massani must never come in contact with anyone under the age of 18. Let him contact them. It's the only way they'll learn. Just because it is a learning experience, does not mean anyone needs to come in contact with Massani.
6. Not allowed to go off my medication.
(1. Not allowed to pretend I have any medication to be on.
7. May not use any form of the word 'accident' as an excuse.
8. Violate the dress code, even on 'casual' Fridays.
(1. No matter how many times you say please, Z. Massani, we won't put any of the hats you've been asking about into the dress code.
9. [DATA REDACTED ON A++ REQUEST]. Not even for recreational use.
10. Not allowed to send Nigerian-esque spam email to the Cult of Jesus.
11. Not allowed to end reports with lyrics from "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air".
(1. But is allowed to end with lyrics from the Safety Dance.
(2. The interpretive dance routine, however, is forbidden until he gets lessons for the foreseeable future.
12. Z. Massani is not allowed anywhere near a Renaissance Festival.
(1. Especially not with D-class in garb.

(2. Z. Massani is NOT: A superhero of any sort, Head of Public Relations, in charge of Orientation for new staff, a doctor of psychology, a member of FUMUKU Int HQ Command, made out of bacon, in possession of a IQ over 300, or a member of Maintenance Staff. (Sorry boys, Z. Massani IS a member of FUMUKU Int HQ Command. It's usually best not to ask why.)
13. No longer allowed to make up jodles for morning calisthenics.
(1. Yes, this includes The Mickey Mouse Club song.
14. Z. Massani is not from an alternate timeline.
(1. Z. Massani cannot issue orders to "preserve the timeline".
(2. Or to "corrupt the timelime".
(3. Or to "screw with those history nerds".
15. Z. Massani no longer allowed use of thimbles in any aspect.
16. Toxic and Z. Massani are not allowed to interact without the presence of a responsible administrator.
(1. Moist does not count as a responsible administrator.
17. Chainsaws are not the solution to every question.
(1. Nor is 'More Chainsaws'.
(2. Or "Chainsaw cannons"
18. [REDACTED], [REDACTED] hard.
19. Z. Massani is not allowed to administer spankings to ANYONE as punishment, as it only causes more rules to be broken.
(1. NO-ONE is allowed to spank the monkey.
(2. Nor are they allowed to shock the monkey.
20. Z. Massani is not allowed to "review female researchers' office security tapes".
21. Z. Massani is no longer allowed to utter the phrase "More than 1,000 babies" in the presence of any FUMUKU personnel.
22. Nothing in FUMUKU International is rated 'Over 9000.'
23. Stop posting classified information on 4-chan.
24. If it involves doing something wrong, it isn't right.
25. If Z. Massani has to ask, it's above his clearance level.
(1. If it's above Massani's security clearance… run.
26. Z. Massani is not allowed to declare war on any country, thing or person.
27. A stripper a day keeps the doctor away. Z. Massani is not allowed to contribute to this list. Besides, ██% of FUMUKU staff have their Ph.D. It'd take more than one stripper to keep them away.
(1. Strike that last sentence. Z. Massani, I don't know where you found a 300-pound midget stripper with three teeth and severely disfiguring [DATA EXPUNGED], but please put her him it back.
28. FUMUKU credit cards or expense accounts are not to be used to purchase pornography.
29. Z. Massani is not a "marital aid" and cannot refer to himself as such. Especially on official documents.
30. Z. Massani is not the Lord of Rodly Might.
(1. And is hereby banned from playing Dungeons and Dragons '
31. Z. Massani is not allowed to go to fan conventions.
(1. Let alone use them as recruitment drives.
(2. Especially not at Furry Conventions.
32. "For the Emperor" is not an acceptable justification for any decision.
33. "My evil twin did it" is no longer considered a viable excuse.
(1. Nor is "My good twin did it," considering the implications.
34. Not allowed to lace 'orgasm muffins' with Ex-lax. Again.
35. Any proposal which includes the phrase 'Metric Fuck Load' is straight out denied.
36. Z. Massani is no longer allowed to play "Hippocratic Oath Chicken" with the medical staff.
37. A full minute of stunned silence means "My God what did you do?" not "Please continue."
38. Pranks placed into new staff's desks are not funny because they "liquefied in record time."
39. Attempts to use FUMUKU International radio telescopes to contact omniscient and omnipotent extraterrestrial entities will result in a bill for any damage to local space-time, including the cost of demoting objects to dwarf planet status.
40. Despite his alleged doctoral degree, Z. Massani is not allowed to either prescribe or administer any of the following:
(1. any sort of medication
(2. enemas
(3. homeopathic remedies
(4. free hugs
(5. the healing power of laughter
(6. sexual healing
(7. 'more cowbell'
41. Not allowed to use this list as a checklist.
42. Z. Massani is no longer allowed to offer the solution of "Use more guns" to any problem.

43. Yes, empirical evidence is the foundation of science. Yes, blind faith is the death of reason. No, this does not logically imply that female staff are ethically obligated to demonstrate the existence of their breasts under laboratory conditions.
(1. Z. Massani is no longer allowed near any photocopier.
44. If Z. Massani is ever found under the influence of any recreational substance, he must immediately be contained under level 15 containment. If you want to know why, please refer to the security tapes for ██/██/████ between the hours of ██:██ am and ██:██ pm.
(1. If Z. Massani is found deliberately getting high to get out of paperwork, he is to be placed in a Type 4 cell and hosed down with cold water from a pressurised hose for no less than 5 minutes. Maybe this will teach you that drugs are bad, m'kay?
45. Z. Massani cannot change the standard issue D-Class uniform to black pants with a red polo shirt.
46. There are no security codes for:
(1. Zombie conga line
(2. Badass hat
(3. Vampire can-can
(4. Disco corpse
(5. Intense homoeroticism (I do not want to know…)
(6. Hoo mama
(7. Necrophilia (I do NOT want to know!)
(8. Extreme crotch violence
(9. Man disguised as a palm tree
(10. Man with porn 'stache
(11. Kung fu rasta
(12. Puppy-eating monks
(13. Justifiable homicide of all you dumb ass mother humpers.
(14. Massani Family Reunion (Code Brown. Find a place to hide, and make sure you leave an offering of booze outside your door.)
47. Just because Massani is a doctor does not mean that he is the Doctor, no matter how British he is.
(1. Tying up female members of the staff and calling them "companions" is right out.
48. Z. Massani is no longer allowed to accept or use the following as payment for bets:
1. Your soul
2. Anyone else's soul
3. Virgin's blood
4. Reproductive organs
5. Memories (real or imagined)
6. Pieces of your past I have no idea how that worked with Toxic, but apparently he can do it.
7. The island of Manhattan
8. Beads
9. Firstborn children
10. Second-born children
11. Red-headed stepchildren
12. Rented mules
13. Gold spun from straw
14. A child's laughter
15. A child's tears
16. Virginity

17. Kitten tears.
18. Anyone's grandmother
19. Anyone's sister
49. Z. Massani is not allowed to use examples from Star Trek when administering Turing tests to artificial intelligences of any sort. In fact, Rule 20 applies to AIs as well. Computer hardware does not grow on trees, dammit!
50. Z. Massani is not allowed to enter any science labs unsupervised. We're still picking up complaints from the office of Stephen Hawking.
(1. No, not even for the good of "SCIENCE"
(2. Or even as "Science for the Science God". Z. Massani is also not allowed to refer to himself as such either.
51. Z. Massani is not allowed to send anything into the past, future, or to alternate dimensions.
52. Z. Massani is not allowed to make, accept, or take a rake-off on, bets concerning End-of-the-World Scenarios.
53. Z. Massani is not allowed to get on the PA system at FUMUKU Int HQ and announce that he just won The Game You know what, Z. Massani is just never allowed on the PA system for any reason, ever.
54. Z. Massani is not allowed to order anyone to infiltrate the women's locker room.
55. Massani and Toxic are no longer allowed to engage in research any activity involving 40 gallons more than a pound any amount of superballs.
(1. Also, the aforementioned are not to convince blackmail compel D-Class personnel anybody into conducting such activities for them.
56. Z. Massani is not allowed to dress up as Joseph Stalin and ambush Agent Strelnikov in the hallways.
(1. Actually, Z. Massani shouldn't be allowed to dress up as any Communist dictator, there's no way it could end well.
57. Z. Massani is not to be allowed access to the cafeteria menu more than a day in advance six hours in advance at all, nor is he to get anyone else to access it for him, directly or indirectly.
58. Z. Massani is not allowed near any carbonated beverages while in possession of Mentos-branded mints. The last time that happened he somehow managed to cause an earthquake in the east cost of the United States. Z. Massani is not allowed to claim responsibility for earthquakes and other natural disasters unless he is actually responsible for them.
59. When ordering things online, send them to PO Box ████ and not directly to FUMUKU Int HQ . We've already had three postmen show up at the front door. (How did they even find us?) Z. Massani is not to give directions to FUMUKU Int HQ to non-FUMUKU personnel.
60. Z. Massani is no longer allowed to give navigational directions to FUMUKU Int HQ  anywhere, even especially to FUMUKU personnel.
61. Any proposed security procedure that includes the phrase "Giant Robot" is to be automatically rejected.
62. Excessive force is not the same as the Force, therefore using it does not make Z. Massani a Jedi.
63. He does not possess any of the following:
(1. "laser" eyes.
(2. "laser" nostrils.
(3. "laser" [REDACTED].
(4. a Green Red ANY Lantern Ring.
(5. an "adamantium" skeleton.
(6. Anduril.
(7. Mjolnir.
(8. a map leading to "ALL OF THE NAZI GOLD".
(9. the "Ancient" medallion
(10. a copy of the Necronomicon
(11. cybernetic implants of any kind.
(12. the "Dragonzord". I don't care how you did it, put it BACK.
(13. the 7th Element of Harmony.
(14. the touch.
(15. the power.
(16. telepathy.
(17. telekinesis.
(18. the original filming model of any fictional spacecraft.
(19. 1337 H4x00r sKi11z.
(20. the 6th sense
(21. The ability to distinguish between butter and I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!
64. If Z. Massani's is sighted near an armory without express permission, initiate Evacuation Procedure ███-██.
65. Z.Massani is not allowed to access the IT department hotline Access the IT department database Access any networking equipment belonging to the IT department.
66. Z. Massani is not allowed to go trick-or-treating, ever.
67. Z. Massani is not the "final boss" of anything.
68. Z. Massani has not "won the internet" and is not authorized to declare that any other individual has done so.
69. Z. Massani is not to show junior staffers his 'cutie mark'.
70. Z. Massani is not allowed to submit any incident reports to the Darwin Awards. Not even if you are sure it would win.
71. Z. Massani is not allowed to test internet "Creepypasta" rites using Class-D personal.
72. The answer to a containment breach is never to "recruit a team of teenagers with attitude".
(1. Or to "send five rings to five special young people".
(2. Or to ask junior staffers if they are "bad enough dudes" to contain the breach.
73. Z. Massani is not allowed to claim he "has been trained to conquer galaxies".
74. Z. Massani does not remind anyone of "the babe with the power of voodoo", and is not allowed to tell anyone else that they remind him of same.
75. The Chaos Insurgency has no interest in "summoning Daemons to the material universe to serve the Ruinous Powers of Chaos" and therefore, Z. Massani is not permitted to inform new researchers otherwise.
76. Z. Massani is not "The Holder of the End," nor is he "The Holder of Immortality" or of anything else, including "█ ███ ████"
77. Posting official intercepted S.A.A documents on James Bond forums as "genuine spy stuff" is not allowed.
78. Anything involving the words "elephant sauce". FUMUKU Int HQ is still recovering from the last incident.
79. Z. Massani is not to use this list as a resume.
80. Use of double triple quadruple ANY number of negatives to obtain security clearances will result in the repetition of kindergarten swift punishment..
81. Even if Z. Massani is wearing an eyepatch, he is not allowed to "Keel-Haul" anyone.
(1. Not even on "Talk Like a Pirate Day".
(2. Talk Like a Pirate Day is not allowed to be celebrated at FUMUKU Int HQ ██. Any personnel violating this rule will walk the plank be severely disciplined.
(3. There is no such thing as "Talk Like a Ninja" day, and Z. Massani is not allowed to create it.
82. Z. Massani is no longer allowed to interview new personnel.
(1. Even Especially not if they ask for him.
83. To avoid being used as inspiration, Z. Massani is not allowed to view new additions to this list untill at least one week after they are posted.
84. Z. Massani is not allowed access to Popular Science Magazine. That How 2.0 section is way too dangerous for Massani to see now that they've shown how to create cyborg cockroaches.
85. Z. Massani is not allowed to "go on crusade".
(1. Or on "jihad".
(2. Z. Massani is not permitted to issue fatwas against anyone or anything.
86. All FUMUKU personnel are now required to attend a seminar on the difference between an original idea and a good idea before being allowed new or continuing contact with Z. Massani, Toxic, or Moist.
87. Z. Massani does not have ten tons of gold hidden somewhere at FUMUKU Int HQ .
88. Z. Massani is not a wizard, no matter what he might tell you.
(1. He is not an alchemist either, and is not to be consulted regarding alchemical issues.
(2. Or a witch.
(3. Z. Massani is not magic and cannot perform magic, and must give sufficient explanation for any actions he undertakes.
89. Z. Massani is not allowed to perform any tests or experiments utilizing the reproductive organs of any dead or living being, including himself.
90. Z. Massani is not allowed to create, or to arrange for the creation of, freeware games based on contained objects and release them onto the internet.

and hey if you didn't read it and I do anything on that list i'm not meant too, it's your fault.

Yours faithfully Z.Massani, director of FUMUKU legal services, I.D 3514

[Toxic]

I fully endorse this list.

lol.

[BlackDog]

That is one badass list, it shall be enforced immediately!

[D0ctor]

i got my list purely for Mr. Massani;

1. Don't mention the first melon
a. or the target behind the melon.

thank you for reading.


lol